Earlier this spring Bean and I had the pleasure of participating in a maiden rites ceremony. The maiden rites were for young women who were about to experience, or had recently experienced, their first moontime. Words cannot express how grateful I feel that my daughter and I got to participate in this. It was truly a magical and empowering day.
I think that even though our culture has grown more open about menstruation there is still a sense of shame about it. It is not celebrated as the passage to womenhood that it should be. My own mother chose to not discuss any aspect of menstruation with me; it was left entirely to the film at school. When I had my first moontime there was a furtive handing over of sanitary napkins and nary a word ever said. I wanted a different experience for Bean. We've always been open about things like that since she was a wee thing and had a special lunch out - just the two of us - when she had her first moontime.
But oh these maiden rites. They were something a special lunch out couldn't give her. This was a group of women and young women, all gathered together to celebrate being female. To feel that sense of magic, that feminine power, that acceptance, is truly a life-changing experience. It's one that I know Bean will carry with her as she grows, one that I hope she can draw on when she's feeling weak or alone. She became part of the community of Woman that day.
There were truly too many experiences that day to write out in this post. Some of them I remember vividly, others I might have even already forgotten. But what sticks with me - and what I hope sticks with Bean - are those feelings of love, awe, and pride. It was joyous (and sometimes tearful) to see my daughter in the maiden crown I'd woven for her from willow branches. How amazing that the tiny baby I once rocked in my arms is now a young woman!
We gathered together to hear a coming-of-age story told to the soft sound of drumbeats. The girls made a "soul collage" and were given special medicine pouches. We talked practicalities and told of our own girlhood experiences. We laughed and shared, united in our love for the amazing young women in the room and the feminine bonds that hold us all together. The girls, hesitant at first, came together as a group - joking and chatting (and in the case of Bean and a new friend - exchanging Facebook contact information) during downtimes.
I think my favorite part was the "sisterhood" part of the ceremony, when each girl was welcomed into the tribe of womanhood. We mothers stood just outside the building holding a red piece of fabric above a walkway. Each mother stood at the end and called her daughter's full name, then the rest chimed in with, "Come join the sisterhood" as the girl walked under the red fabric:
Then each mother sprinkled her daughter's head with cornmeal as the group said a special blessing:
Earlier in the day each mother had braided a few small strands of her daughter's hair:
After the cornmeal blessing the braid was cut to symbolize the passage from girl to woman. The girls later added them to their medicine pouches:
This still gets me teary-eyed as I remember! It was such a privilege to attend the maiden rites ceremony, which was hosted by a wonderful woman who receives a grant each year to conduct rites such as these. I was fortunate in that two of my friends helped as well; it was a treat to have the company of my sweet friends that day. The photos I've included in this post were taken by one of those lovely friends!
I do hope that reading of this experience inspires you. If you have a daughter, please don't let such a special passage go unmarked. This has not only changed my life, but Bean's life, and I was thinking the other night....this has also changed the life of my granddaughter! I can easily picture Bean and I, and hopefully other women in our family, coming together one day to celebrate her daughter or the daughters of my sons.
Watching Bean grow into a young woman has been like watching the most beautiful of flowers grow and bloom. I see her coming into herself as she gets older, becoming more comfortable with who she is and how she feels about things. As I look at her I can see all that she was, all that she is, and some of whom she will one day be. One of the most comforting and enduring cycles to me is that of womanhood - maiden, mother, and crone. I have seen her as a maiden, hopefully will one day see her as a mother, and will be with her even as she becomes a crone. What a precious gift.