Chronicles of a Natural Apostolic: You Never Know Who Notices You

Hello beauties! As you all read, Jen wrote a beautiful post called, me= good enough. One of my awesome friends, Mary, wrote the sweetest comment in regards to the post.

"Heeeey Kendra!!! I left a comment on Jen's blog in her hair post and since I mentioned YOU in my comment I thought that I would pass the message along to YOU!!! I tried to leave a comment on your blog but for some reason with your comment set up it won't let me!!! Anyways here you go!!! :)

JEN!!!!!! I am sooooo proud of you for making this decision!!! AND just for the record, I happen to LOVE "tightly curled hair!" I know, I know big surprise right? ;) LOL Honestly, I REALLY do think its beautiful!!! I love touching all the girls hair and playin with it and to me it is actually easier to do. Ironically, before I had read this post, I had just told the girls in my youth group, cuz I had just seen Kendra at Youth Alive, that one think I REALLLY liked and admired about Kendra is that she isn't scared to be just be black. You would think that with her being married to a white guy, that she of all people would try to have straight hair... BUT... She isn't scared of her hair. She wasn't scared of it not being all straight, she wasn't scared to have braids or twists or whatever and I REALLLY like that!!! I mean she came in with these cool lookin twists and rolls in her hair that obviousley no white girl would ever be doing, but on her hair it looked AWESOME!!! (Btw- you all better NOT laugh at me, BUT I did try to do one of Kendra's hair-do's one time. It didn't work at to well either...let me tell you!!! I told my sister...it didn't work out like Kendra's and she just looked at me and was all like...DUH!!!) So anyways, I'm really happy for you and proud of you!!! Btw- what do you guys think about hot sticks and hotrollers and curling irons? Do you think that is the same thing as when a girl gets her hair straightened? Its something that I think about from time to time(about myself) and would be interested in hearin what you all think! "

WOW! That meant so much to me. Sometimes I want to fit in and look like everyone else. I don't want to wear twists and braids and tightly coiled hair sometimes. But you never know who notices you - and that people may actually like it. She doesn't even know this but her comment just about made me cry.. To think that by me having natural hair means I am confident and
am unafraid to be ME!

THANK YOU MARY! I hope this helps all of my readers. People see you with your beautiful natural hair and they are inspired by you!

Think and Discuss: Confidence and Self Esteem

I want to hear what you all think about this. I had an epiphany moment the other day.

"I could try so hard to do my hair like everyone else. 
Or I could enjoy standing out with hair no one else has or dares to wear."

I want you to think, discuss and reflect upon these questions:

• Has your confidence and self esteem increased since you have been natural?


• What have you learned about your self since you have been natural?


• Are you proud of your natural hair or do you still struggle to love and embrace it?

Leave your opinions and thoughts below!

Hair Inspiration: "Me = Good Enough", by Jen Lord

hmmm, where to begin??
i've been churning on this post in my mind for a while... like, for a few months really but i've never figured how i would start it. or even what to title it. craziness! it's part informative/part venting/part self-disclosure. funny how being a blogger still doesn't make self-disclosure any more comfortable for me!
ok so, around may of last year i made a rather big decision in my life: i decided that i would no longer chemically straighten / relax my hair. if your hair is nowhere near the excessively curly state that mine's is, you may be thinking, "and the big deal is....?" but to other people, this statement can elicit an audible gasp, an "Are you for real?", a "But why?", etc. see, it's a straight haired girl's world, for the most part. our society is heavily influenced by the european standards of beauty.

the problem is when a large group of people who have tightly curled hair {sorry, i've never been a fan of the word "nappy/knappy"} decide that they need to have straight hair because their hair isn't "good enough" or they do not possess the coveted "good hair" {loosely curled hair}. isn't it odd that my hair is called "natural hair" since i don't chemically straighten it but hair that has been chemically altered is just called "hair"? isn't that backwards?!

so i've pretty much always hated my hair. i've wanted to have hair like the little girl on the box of the Just For Me or PCJ hair relaxer kit, LOL! SOOO many black little girls wanted her hair! but alas, i wasn't born with "good hair" {i CRINGE every time i hear someone use that phrase}.

i've scoffed internally at preachers when they declare that hair is my glory. Glory?! umm... more like Shame! it's not growing so who cares if it's uncut? in actuality my hair was growing BUT it was breaking also so i could never retain length. thus, it never seemed to get any much longer.

so what spurred me?
- i was in a funk last year and i needed change. like, big time major change.  
- i was kinda tired of going to the salon. seriously, i am hightailing it across town to go to your salon and i still have to sit and Wait for you even though i have an appointment? oh, and pay that much? um, no.
- a book i had picked up at west coast conference 2009 by Juli Jasinski called "Her Ebony Glory". i remember scoffing at the book when she began to talk about not relaxing our hair.
- my convictions. yep, i've had this nagging thought for a few years now but never did anything about it: if i shouldn't dye my hair because i'm changing it from my natural color, why should i relax it and change it from its natural texture?

so i took the plunge and let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions i have ever made. God is bringing me closer each and everyday to more self-acceptance. do i love my hair now? i'm getting there.... i'm not in love with my hair but i don't hate it anymore.... in fact, i like it now and THAT, my friends, is one giant leap for mankind. my hair is not bad hair, it is Good Hair because God made it and it was Good Enough for Him.

and besides,  why would anyone argue against  having heathly, strong hair with less breakage and more growth??? all to conform to society's beauty standards.

hair is a hot button issue among some for sure. what prompted me to write this today was a conversation i had last night. "so, you mean you're never relaxing your hair again?" nope. "well, what if you meet a guy and he won't marry you unless you relax your hair?"

um.... if i met a guy and he said, "you know, i really like you but you need to do something about that nose"
should jen run to her laptop and check out if her job's health insurance covers plastic surgery?? noooooo...

see, it's really sad but you'd be shocked to know how many people feel like the person in the above convo.

so, i try to brush off the ignorance. it's all i can do.
after all, i am good enough in His eyes, right?

{ i suppose it would seem fitting that i stick a picture in this post but i don't really have hair pics! and i'm sporting french braids today. so yeah. :) }

Follow Jen's Blog. She is a beautiful and talented woman of God. I love her to pieces! She is so very sweet and she has been a blessing to me personally. Jen thank you for having the boldness to share this testimony with us! <3

Kendra Mail: Vanity

This is a very deep email written by one of our beautiful natural sisters.

She inquired about vanity. When do we cross the line? What does vanity look like? Vanity is something that we must constantly be aware of. It is a big no-no. While we believe in modesty, taking care of ourselves, looking nice and presentable, we can't cross the line of vanity. So please read! May it bless you :)

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Her E-Mail

I want to start off by saying that ever since I received the holy ghost November of 2010 the Lord has been working in my life in every single aspect. My identity, clothing, relationships, finances and YES my hair! After learning that my hair is my glory I began looking into how to care for it. My hair has repaired from quite a bit of damage and has grown out quite a bit. My styles include : roller sets, braidouts and mostly buns for the winter. On one occasion I decided to do a roller set with tighter curls than usual. One of my church sisters commented that “it looked nice but it must have took a long time to do”. I replied that “roller sets are the main way I take care of my hair because it doesn’t require lots of heat”. On another occasion we were having a discussion about knowing if our self-esteem is good or bad…like low self esteem and pride. She made a comment stating that “because she has high self confidence she can step out the door with her hair looking any ol way because she is secure in herself.”



Overall, the feeling I am getting is that in her opinion, the things I am doing to my hair are vain.

Now my motivation is not to have others recognize me for my appearance. I am not one of those competitive types of women. And I would be a fool to think that I could adorn myself in anything other than humility, holiness and modesty. I just want to be an example that a woman can have uncut healthy, beautiful hair and also be fashionable and still dress modestly. I am usually plain,no makeup/nails/ jewelry, covered up chest and long dresses/skirts. My hair is never extravagant, colored, weaved, gelled or anything. Maybe ppl that have been taught more traditional teachings have a hard time seeing my point of view. I feel that if I represent God, I should hold the value of modesty/holiness and take care of what he has given me. There was even this one time that a sister from my church that stopped coming was doing my hair and she said “Wow, my hair would have been as long as yours if I didn’t cut mines, but I just couldn’t take all those dead ends!” I immediately sensed her regret for cutting it. Now if we as holy women do not care for our hair properly…you know the first thing outsiders are going to say! “Your hair is damaged therefore you need a trim” “Or put on a weave or wig to help it grow back” SO NOT TRUE!!! I just don’t understand the way some women of God think. Yes appearances are not everything but ppl watch us! We are the living epistles known and read of all men. If what we put out there is undesirable then it will reflect Christ. I believe he is definitely the original and ultimate “fashion designer” or “hair dresser”. Look at all the wonderful colors and nature he created so beautifully!

Omg excuse me I am SO ranting to you right now but…

Thank you for your fashion and hair blog because you wear your clothes brightly and wonderfully and are modest and respectful. Same goes for your hair!

Anyway my question to you is: Where do we draw the line between healthy hair care/appearances and vanity? What does vanity look like?

Any response you give is fine. Thank you for reading in advance. Feel free to throw scriptures @ me. And plz don't sugercoat anything!


My Response
First of all, HI!! Thank you for checking out my blog and feeling comfortable enough to send me an email. I am very impressed with your idea that we need to care about how we look. This is indeed true but a lot of times, women mistake holy with homely and raggedy. They get so convicted about spending time on themselves to look nice. They feel like it is too much. So let me commend you because what you expressed, “I just want to be an example that a woman can have uncut healthy, beautiful hair and also be fashionable and still dress modestly” is right. My Pastors wife always talks to our ladies about this. Fix yourself up, buy nice clothes, do your hair, exercise, those sorts of things. Never to the extent that it consumes your time, but to where you look presentable and nice. For example, if you look at Pentecostal women 70+ years ago, they were modest, but fashionable. They wore nicely fitted dresses, cute shoes, petticoats, hats, scarves, etc.


Now, when do you draw the line?? When it consumes you! It is just like anything else. If all you can think about is hair, if all you can think about is styling it, etc, it is consuming you! This is why it is important for us to stay prayerful in our daily lives. If something is off, we will feel a check in the Holy Ghost. God will deal with us because we have the Holy Ghost. Keep in mind that, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1). If we are walking after the spirit, we won’t even mind the things of the flesh.


What does vanity look like? When you go against it when God convicts you not to wear something, not to spend so much time on your hair, etc- it is all in vain. You are no longer doing it to be a witness and pleasing to the Lord. It is all in vain if it’s not done to please the Lord. God won’t even hear it. He disregards vanity! In all we do, we want to bring the Lord glory. We do not want to bring his glory to shame.


“Surely God will not hear vanity, neither will the Almighty regard it” (Job 35:13)

“O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? How long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.” (Psalm 4:2)


So the bottom line is to do all things in moderation! Let me leave you with this verse to encourage you.

“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” (Philippians 4:5-9)

If your mind is upon the Lord, you will have peace. So keep up the beautiful work. Modesty is beautiful and it should affect the environment you walk into. People should say, “Wow, _____ is always so put together. She never does too much. She is a LADY.”

I hope this helps! Please feel free to email me whenever you are in need. God bless you sis!

With love and prayer,

Kendra

Poll Results: Opinions of Others

Hello ladies, here are the results to yet another poll. This time 34 people voted and participated. The question was,

Does it matter to you what other people think or say about your hair?

• 6 people (17% of the voters) said, “Yes, it hurts my feelings”
• 8 people (23% of the voters) said, “Yes, to the point that it makes me ashamed at times”
• 4 people (11% of the voters) said, “No, its like water off my back”
• 19 people (55% of the voters) said, “No, I am who I am and I love me!”
• 5 people (14% of the voters) said, “I am very indifferent”

It made me happy that over half of the women who voted said, “No I am who I am and I love me!” That is very encouraging and inspiring to hear! For those of you who are struggling with what people think about you, let me offer some encouragement…

Lately every little thing someone says about my hair has been bothering me. Now normally you hear your average comment, but nothing offensive. However, I have been hearing things that were just ignorant and offensive. Let me give you some examples:

• Someone said, in response to my god-sisters natural (and beautiful) curly fro- “She should fix it.” Another person responded and said, “why is it broken? You don’t fix hair.” 
• I am so glad this person responded this way. I was flabbergasted that someone would say that her hair wasn’t fixed. If someone with straight hair can wear their hair down, why can’t we?
• I read an article where Oprah’s hair stylist said that he believed African-American natural hair was the only hair that needed to be chemically altered. 
• Word? YES! And to top it off , the man is black or mixed. I was like wow, wow, and wow
• Recently someone flat out did not believe me that black hair could be to your waist. I was so irritated. 
• There are PLENTY of black women who have very long hair. Just go on youtube and start browsing. Its harder to find pictures. 
• Someone just said this to me, “Well having natural hair is really limited isn't it? I mean basically all you can do is wear it out or up. You can’t like wear it slick?” I laughed and said, “There is a lot we can do…” And I named styles. I told her, “Are you meaning to ask, are my styles limited when my hair is in its natural state because I don’t straighten it?” She said, “Yes.” 
• Seriously? That person must not pay attention to my hair. And my response to me not being able to slick it back was, yes I can but when I do, by the end of it all, it frizzes. Hey y’all my hair is frizzy! And it doesn’t bother me because that’s how God made it.
• One time, several months ago, some ladies in my church were making reference to one of the sisters hair. They were telling her how much it had grown. She had straightened it that day and it was very close to being waist length. I happened to have my hair in a curly style- so it looked shorter (due to shrinkage). Well this sister they were complementing looked and me and said, “yes my hair has grown a lot. When I first got in the church it was as long as Kendra’s is now.” 
• Her hair was to her chin in the front and basially buzzed in the back when she came to the church. I can’t lie, that hurt my feelings

But you know what?? We are going to show the world that black natural hair can be beautiful, healthy and long. Black hair CAN grow. Want proof? Look at this…

ALL NATURAL hair.
No weaves, no tracks.
All girls who wear natural hair and straightened it to see the length...

So be inspired! Your hair is beautiful. Sure it might be short now but I promise if you take care of it, it will grow. No need to be ashamed because you are who you are and you should LOVE yourself :)